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killer shrike
Fri Jan 28, 2005 at 11:23:28 pm EST
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Three Families, Part Nine
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Three Families, Part Nine


Previously: The Lair Legion, Mr. Epitome and Visionary in particular, defeated key members of the Yakuza Spider Clan during a battle in Manga Town.


The Next Hour

A slim young woman strode into the Golden Lantern bar and asked to see the owner. The hostess, after eyeing the katana strapped to her back, shuffled off.

Moments later Gihei Ariyoshi came from the back, “What is it?”

The stranger answered in Japanese, “Mr. Ariyoshi, I am Chiaki Bushido. I am here on the behalf of Akiko Masamune. She wishes to express her sorrow for your family’s losses.”

Gihei didn’t believe a word, but he nodded, “Tell Lady Masamune her condolences are appreciated.”

Chiaki continued, “I will. Is there anything you or your family need at this time?”

The adviser to the Yakuza Spider Clan was surprised by the offer. There was indeed much he had to do, much that he would be responsible for, now that the Kumoyabun was captured, “The name of a good lawyer, for starters.”

The young woman produced a business card, “Mister Fujikara has proved invaluable for my employer in the past. His fees are quite high, but given your recent hardships I’m sure some compromises could be made.”

“Ah,” Gihei accepted the slip, “Thank you. And thank Lady Masamune as well. We are in her debt.”

“I’m sure she will greatly appreciate hearing that, Mr. Ariyoshi,” the young samurai smiled evenly, “Good evening.”

Gihei watched her leave, knowing that he had played the situation right, but still regretting it. No true yakuza should ever have to be suppliant to that damnable half-breed Masamune. But for now he and his family would have to bow and scrape and bide their time.


*****


Several time zones to the east, someone else man was reaching a similar conclusion.

“I need transportation to America,” the man known as Exemplary told his handler, “Something fast and completely untraceable. Money is no object.”

The man in the neat brown suit nodded, “That is a good thing, if those are your criteria. I’m guessing your sudden departure from Göteborg is tied in with your injuries somehow?”

“Yes. I owe the guy some serious payback.”

“Revenge?” the man tutted and leaned back on the park bench, “That’s a bit unprofessional, don’t you think?”

“Well, there’s opportunity there too. Wetwork. If I do this right I may be able to get my old life back.”

“Congratulations. The Shadow Cabinet certainly has suffered in your absence.”

Exemplary knew when someone was trying to fish for information, so he did not respond. Still, he could not blame the man for trying: information was his boss’s favorite form of currency.

“Just tell Dr. Vasillych the quicker I can get to the states the better. In fact, I may be able to help Factor X with a problem of his own….”

*****


The Next Day

Hatman put down his copy of the official OPS report on Visionary’s involvement in helping Artemis escape police custody, “So, you’re saying he was an innocent dupe in all this?”

“Yes, sir,” Special Agent Lester Dawes replied from his chair across from the OPS conference table.

“But you’re saying he was not in fact duped by Mr. Epitome, but some other ‘as yet unknown party with access to confidential Office of Paranormal Security data and a desire to disrupt the activities of various law enforcement agencies’,” Jay read from the report.

“Yes.”

“I’ve got fifty bucks that says it was Hacker 9,” Special Agent Abby St. Germain offered.

Hatman looked at her for several moments, “Where is Artemis?”

“Ah, we’re not at liberty to discuss that, sir,” Lester said, “In the interests of national security.”

“Why is telling me the location of Mr. Epitome’s daughter a threat to national security?”

The agents shot confused glances to one another, “His daughter? What the hell are you talking about?” Abby asked.

“I have it on good authority that the young woman is Epitome’s foster daughter.”

“Really? Mr. Epitome told you this?” Agent Dawes seemed incredulous.

“No,” Jay said, a bit exasperated, “I haven’t been able to speak to Mr. Epitome. That’s why I’m talking to you two.”

“Mr. Epitome is on assignment in the Balkans, sir. He will be unreachable for some time.”

“Some time,” Jay repeated.

Abby nodded, “Yes sir, and if I may be candid sir, whoever told you the suspect was in any way related to Mr. Epitome is either lying to you or just flat out wrong.”

“I think, Agent Germain, I’m aware of who I can and can’t trust in regards to these matters,” the Capped Crusader abruptly stood to leave, “If you hear from Epitome before I do let him know he might be satisfied with the contents of this report, but I’m not.”

“Oh, we’ll pass that along,” Abby smiled unctuously.

Jay shook his head. He was hoping Yo was having better luck on his/her end.

*****


“Yo is thinking is very hard to lie to friends,” the pure thought being said as she cut up the steak, “even if they just being the little white lyings.”

Glory nodded, “I feel very bad, but I do not want anyone to get hurt. I do not want Dominic’s relationship with Artemis to be revealed any more than it already has, but I also do not want Professor Visionary to be upset.”

“Is reasonable,” Yo took up the cutting board and slid the chunks of sirloin into the Pooch of Power’s bowl, “Why does cute Glory think Epi does not want everybody to be knowing about cute Artemis?”

“I think he is afraid she will be used against him by his enemies,” Glory answered between bites.

Yo scratched the Dog Dynamo behind her ears, “Somebody should be telling him Lair Legion is not his enemies, Yo is to be thinking.”

Glory thumped her tail in satisfaction, “I have tried. You must believe me.”

Yo did.

*****


The Grey Eminence did not like not knowing.

Knowing was what had kept him in power for so long. He ran a Conspiracy of international scope because the world was not supposed to hold any secret from him. But now it was becoming evident that his most trusted operative was lying to him, and this was unacceptable, especially when it had resulted in a failed recruitment to the Cause.

Grey could call him on it, if he wished. He could convince Epitome to tell him what exactly was going on with him and the Legion, and how the “Yakuza Spider Clan” and “Artemis” were connected to it. That would be the easiest way to learn what he needed to know.

Aldrich that it would be to his benefit to learn the truth without Dominic ever knowing he suspected a lie. Secrets were valuable, in the right hands.

*****


The Next Week

The vast lab was nearly automated, with spindly automatons rolling about checking, testing, recording. Nats floated himself and his delivery to one’s workstation and accosted it.

“Hey, uh, where should I put this?” he gestured to the box of frammistats.

The robot beeped and whistled and offered to take the package in its pneumatic arms. Bill complied, and watched the machine drive off.

“You need to sign for that!” he called out.

A woman came up from behind the remains of what appeared to be a death ray satellite. She took up a rag and wiped the grease (or whatever a non-working death ray satellite might leak) from her hands, “I got it.”

“Thanks,” the Flying Phenomenon handed her his clipboard, “You’re the Idiom, right? I remember you from that time in Sanarate.”

Letitia Gahagan smiled, “Ah, yes, Sanarate. You wore orange. The science villains wore blue.”

“What?!”

“She’s parodying a line from Casablanca, Einstein,” Fleabot explained from his position on the Idiom’s right shoulder.

“Ah. Funny.”

“Don’t mind him. He’s just cranky because I whipped his shiny metal po again.”

“In chess,” Fleabot clarified.

“Right,” Letitia went to her cluttered desk and found her wallet, “I’m afraid all I have is Badripooran currency. Or will you take a check?”

“For what?” Bill was nonplussed, “Oh, no. Forget about it. Superheroes don’t accept tips,” he said with a modicum of regret.

“Well, that’s very noble of you.”

“Thanks. Oh: Hallie said to tell you that if Fleabot was being a pest to ship him home. She doesn’t want him interfering in your work.”

“Hey, I’m not interfering I’m helping!” Fleabot objected, “I can reach places her big fleshy fingers can’t. And I’m talking about dismantling bombs and stuff, so don’t get any sick ideas.”

“It’s true. For a mechanical parasite he has been a perfect gentleman,” the Idiom nodded.

Which was more than Nats needed to know. He checked his watch, “OK, well, I’ll leave you to your business.”

After the Legionnaire zoomed off Letitia plucked Fleabot from her shoulder and considered him, “So that’s the neospiffy, huh? Funny, I don’t see the resemblance.”

“That’s only because you didn’t know Mark back in the day. The stories I could tell…”

The Idiom smiled, “Please do. I’m a sucker for the superhero gossip.”

*****


Another lab, another time zone.

Even though she sat in a research facility with enough scientific equipment to bring the world to its knees, Oiad (last name pending) didn’t feel like much of a super villain. Or even the clone of one.

Super villains weren’t supposed to be secretly working for an official of the United States government trying to unlock the secret of immortality, as challenging a job it may be. It was what her doody-head genetic donor wanted, but still Oiad could not shake the feeling she was having to be the grind so Dr. Moo could go out and pose and guffaw and make the good guys’ lives miserable.

Oiad definitely wanted some of that action.

She’d have to be careful, and extremely patient. The men sent to monitor Oiad’s progress in the lab had her under their constant supervision. If she came through for them and fulfilled her end of the bargain, perhaps they would allow her some time for recreation. Maybe even a trip to Paradopolis, to get acquainted with her superheroic sister as only a good villain could.

*****


The Next Month


Asil Ashling poked around the duffel bag with some concern, “Are you sure you have enough socks?”

“Uh, yes. I guess so. I mean, how many pairs of socks do you need for an intergalactic speed race?” Visionary wondered aloud.

Hallie accessed the online schematics of Aunt Sally, the vehicle Earth had chosen to enter in the Transworld Challenge, “I don’t see any on-board laundry facilities, Vizh. You may want to toss in a couple extra pair of...well, everything.”

“Mmmhmm,” the possibly fake man said absently, as he continued stealing glances up the Mansion’s main stairwell to where the quarters were located. Hallie sighed.

“Earth to Visionary: you haven’t left the planet yet, you know.”

The Legionnaire shrugged, “I know, and Lord knows why I’m even leaving at all-“

“You’re taking part of the Transworld Challenge because you are a Great Man and proven leader,” Asil replied firmly.

“Yes, well, it’s just the timing’s bad. I’ve got lesson plans to write, uh, and the NFL pre-season is getting underway…. and just as I’m getting ready to go in walks Epitome and I really need to talk to him.”

Asil shook her head, “You shouldn’t concern yourself with such things. I’ll put together the Juniors’ curriculum, and Hallie said she’ll record all of football games.”

“TiVo isn’t difficult to program at all if you do it from the inside,” the AI reported in all modesty.

“And as for Mr. Epitome, you should let the – Lisa handle him. Not that you couldn’t of course. It’s just that she is much more comfortable dealing with beady eyed fibbers.”

“I don’t think Dominic’s eyes are beady. They’re more a robin’s egg blue,” Hallie noted.

Visionary turned and stared at his friend, “Wait. What?”

“The point is, you need to let us worry about the trivial matters, so you can focus on the big picture,” Asil said.

“Like socks?” Vizh asked.

“Exactly,” Hallie agreed, “Let’s see if we can stow some extra gear for you in one of Uhunaluna’s trunks. Boy, if you couldn’t tell she was royalty before, just seeing how she travels would be enough to clue you in…”

*****


“So who was it, Epitome?” Lisa Waltz leaned back in her office chair, “That guy you were chasing in Sweden, when Hallie found you.”

Dominic said nothing.

“I think he’s what’s important here. You got Visionary involved in this mess because you couldn’t take the time to help Artemis because of mystery man, and yet you were willing to let him go rather than having the Legion find out who he was.”

“That’s an interesting theory.”

“I like it,” she purred, “You wouldn’t take all the risk you did over a person you didn’t even know, given how paranoid you are about us finding out anything that could be used against you. Like your daughter. Which begs the question, what are you doing in your free time that’s got you so worried the team might have to take you down?”

“These suppositions of another’s motives, what are they, foreplay? Is this how you and the Hooded Hood entertain one another?”

The amorous advoctrix laughed at the thought, “Oh, please. Like you’re even in Ioldabaoth’s league.”

“I consider that a compliment.”

“That’s only because you’re not in touch with your inner villain,” Lisa grinned knowingly.

“Miss Waltz, we’re wasting time during what may be humanity’s darkest hour. You have been compensated for your representation, limited as it was, for Artemis. I have assured you I will confer with Visionary when it is appropriate. We’re done here. Now,” the Paragon of Power stood, “Would you please return my pants?”


Next: Bowling for Closure


Footnotes:

Chiaki Bushido: is a mysterious Japanese woman first seen in AnimeJason’s Hysterical Realm #3 celebrating her release from the employ of Akiko Masamune. Since most of “Three Families” takes place before that story we can assume she is still doing work for the Mistress of Manga Town.

Dr. Gregor Vassilych: aka Factor X, is a former Soviet spymaster who acts as a middle man for most of the major villain groups in the Parodyverse. He is being hunted by the United States government and Epitome in particular for his ties to meta-terrorism.

Sanarate: was the Guatemalan city Count Armageddon planned to use as a battleground to destroy the Lair Legion. At the time he had corrupted the Idiom with his kaos power and ordered her to design a series of weapons systems to use in ambush. Obviously, the plan didn’t work.

Timeline: Most of this story, with the exception of the last two scenes, takes place prior to the Follies of Youth, which I gather is post Untold Tales #170 but pre-UT #171, where the Transworld Challenge is made by the Gamesmaster. Then we get a short bit that has to take place around Untold Tales #172, right before the heroes leave for space. We will be caught up to current continuity in the last part of the story, which means it will occur after UT #201 and (I’m guessing) ag’s Crisis and Avengers/Lair Legion (if such a thing can be considered in continuity).





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